“Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” – Psalms 119:105
Matthew McConaughey is drunk on power and loaded with cash. He is an unstoppable force, invading South America and refusing to take prisoners — no Paraguayan footballer is safe. When his inquisition is complete, that ravaged little country will be a talentless wasteland, and Austin FC will boast the finest all-Paraguayan team ever seen by Major League Soccer. Austin’s players will begin funneling their fortunes back to their birthplace, where this increased cash flow will bring prosperity and catapult Paraguay’s GDP. Money will rain onto the streets, and votive candles of McConaughey’s likeness will occupy every mantle; he will be worshipped — and rightfully so.
Austin FC added a second player to its roster in signing Paraguayan, Cecilio Dominguez.
McConoughey’s bolstered wealth is no doubt a product of his upcoming memoir Greenlights; the cash advance must have been astounding. Most only know him for being the greatest actor of our generation, but you will soon realize that his abilities are vast and know no bounds. Actor, Producer, Philanthropist, Professor, Minister (of Culture), Sports Franchise Owner — and now, Christ figure. Hot damn! When does this man sleep? In the video below, Matthew details his journey into self-enforced seclusion, only to emerge like a modern day Mohamed with a freshly penned scripture in hand:
I must confess, I’ve spoken ill of Austin FC’s celebrity owner in the past. For this transgression, I ask of his forgiveness — I have sinned. I am but your humble servant. I must repent.
. . . Our reverence is deserved, now and forever . . .
The memoir’s publisher, Crown Publishing, makes no mention of The Book on their website, and it is also absent in their “Spirituality and Religion” section (upon writing this post). Odd. A world-bending book of this magnitude should surely occupy the publisher’s main page, if not made to be the only book shown on their site. They don’t even advertise when The Book will come out. The other parts of the internet claim The Book is due out 10/20/20. FFS . . .
The wait for October will surely become unbearable, but I don’t need to read a single word of Greenlights to know of its perfection.
. . . Can you hear me Matthew? Give me the patience to persevere . . .
. . . Give me strength . . .
By chance, I came across one fellow apostle who seems to rival my own devotion towards The Book and good word of our savior. I discovered him/her while browsing the Barnes and Noble website. Salas79 states in a Greenlights review that they “personally not know my man” but is “so freaking sure, this book is gonna be a best seller for years!” Salas encourages us to “learn from a great and wise man” and also added a tag of “Couldn’t Put It Down”, even though the book is not yet released. Spectacular work for the cause brother. I couldn’t agree more.
Let me remind you, Salas79, that it’s not important who is most devoted or if your grammar bests my own; The most important thing is to equally recognize and admire the brilliance of Mathew McConaughey in all mediums, even outside of literature. Hand in hand, we will march through life, turning red/yellow lights green, promoting The good Book’s message. No need to read the damn thing — the work starts now.
Until He gifts his words upon the world this October, Austin FC’s minority owner has been using his talents in other ways to benefit our
community world. His most recent miracle was getting Anthony Faucey to participate in a one-on-one Q&A session via Instagram Live, and I can’t think of a more qualified human alive to grill the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease director. Mathew McConaughey demanded answers to the tough questions our world has been begging to ask. Should we all wear masks? Is being in a crowd a bad idea? How is COVID transmitted? These are the brain teasers we’ve all been struggling with for too long now. Thanks MM for your bravery in speaking with Tony; I learned so much.
. . . None are worthy of your wisdom and guidance. You are gracious and brave . . .
Few are having a year quite as epic as Mathew McConaughey’s 2020, which happens to coincide with the best work of his life — this book. I wouldn’t be surprised if theres a shift in his University of Texas classroom’s syllabus from studying his best films, like “Mud” and “The Beach Bum”, to fully devoting the class’s time/energy to studying the intricate teachings of Greenlights.
Welcome to Austin, Cecilio Dominguez.