Bright Verde? Nah. It’s Just Fucking Green

Putting words onto paper—when it is done as an honest act of search or connection, rather than as an act of manipulation, performance, self-aggrandizement or self-protection—is a holy act.” – Pat Schneider

:

What in the actual f–

I honestly don’t know how much smoke one could blow up my ass before it killed me — I’ve never let anyone try. But this much smoke would surely find its way through all the caverns of my body, causing some kind of irreparable damage until it was violently discharged from my ears, nose, and all sorts of other orifices I don’t care to detail here.

Short of those soccer fans who would sacrifice their first-born to bring a professional franchise to Austin, who is all-in on this emblem? I have yet to meet someone who is genuinely over the moon with the oak logo. I’m sure fans exist who claim to be staunch lovers of this thing, but we all know those zealots are the same ones banging their drums and stay busy memorizing whatever pre-baked chants Precourt Spots Ventures The Austin Anthem tells them to.

The Austin Violet Crowns

The Austin Ladybirds

The Austin Blue Bonnets

or The Austin Oaks. Super. Where’s my fucking tambourine?

Austin Football Club’s logo is the misstep of our town’s own Butler Brothers, a local graphic design firm. Judging by their portfolio, The Butler Bros have done some quality work in the past, but this sibling duo was bound to produce a dud at some point, and it seems the Austin FC logo is the one that fell flat. Here is how I like to imagine the final logo design played out:

SCENE: AUSTIN FC LOGO DESIGN/CREATIVE MEETING

SETTING: INTERIOR – BUTLER BROS HQ – CORNER OFFICE – WEEKEND MORNING

[The Butler Bros are struggling to wake on separate couches. The sun is rising through a window.]

Bro 1: “God damn, my head is killing me.”

Bro 2: “Yeah dude. Rainey Street was sick last night…wait. How did we end up back at the office…?”

[Both of their phones chime with a calendar reminder]

Bros in unison: “OH SHIT!”

“The Austin FC logo design is due today! FUCK!”

“I can’t even think straight bro.” [Cups mouth] “I think I might puke.”

“Remember how we joked around about sending them that clipart tree we pulled from Microsoft Power Point!?”

“Uhhhh.” [Dry heave] “Yeah…”

“Fuck it. We have two minutes. Send it!”

“mIsSiOn AcOmPlIsH!”

[END SCENE]

This story plays out as you could only expect following a night filled with Lone Star beer and bad decisions. As if it wasn’t brazen enough to send over Microsoft clipart in place of a logo, the Bros then came up with that aforementioned graphic where they explain how nuanced and clever their own work is. Feels a little self-serving gents…

Quality graphic design should be able to speak for itself and shouldn’t require a corresponding infographic. Spoon-feeding us explanations of their work comes off as a pretentious move from the B-Boys. Left alone, the Austin F.C. logo is pretty run-of-the-mill but charming enough to palate. Those descriptions though…

Honesty is the best policy.

You get it, right? It’s all fluff to make the logo seem like it’s more than some shelved away fodder the Bros were sitting on and waiting for an opportunity to use. To further illustrate this point, let’s talk about the finer points of the Austin F.C. logo design. Jesus, take the wheel…

Bright Verde

News flash folks: Not only did the the Butler Brahs create the most thought-provoking emblem in all of sports, they also invented a brand new color: “Bright Verde”. Now, someone has some explaining to do, because I see this thing popping up everywhere I look.

The color they’ve made (Bright Verde) is being passed around by the masses, going under the bootleg name of “Pantone 354 c”. Haven’t painted a wall recently? Are you more Web 1.0 inclined? If you are into that old-school internet *ish use the hex code #00B140 in your site’s code with caution, because you are technically committing copyright infringement. The B-Bro’s might throw up an “Intense Roja” card for that foul and now you’re playing on the internet with one man down (tee friggin’ hee).

PROCEED WITH CAUTION: When using “bright verde” don’t forget to credit/send royalties to the Butler Bros. After all, this is their baby. I don’t usually snitch, but here are some cases I’ve noticed where individuals and corporations alike have been stealing the Butler Bros’ intellectual property. Shame on you:

For anyone who painted their wall this shade…lawsuit.
Christie Toppables? Not for long…
You can’t hide from the Butler Brah’s Wrigley….
Fuck animals, am I right? Sick em’ Butler Bros.
Now we’re talking private jet money ($$$).

If imitation is the truly the most sincere form of flattery, then the Butlers should be getting flush in the face right about now.

Austin Name Placement

You might be sitting there thinking “Does it really matter where a city name is placed?” See, I asked myself that same question. After weeks of contemplation, I realized this is the type of thinking that separates us from the pros. You and I say “Throw that thing anywhere and call it done!” But no no friends. The B-Bro’s are playing mental jujitsu with the masses. They’re putting the name of our city ON TOP OF THE LOGO!

And thank goodness they did. Think about all the trash teams that have to deal with the burden of an uncentered or misplaced city name on their logo. That is what the Butler Brothers truly understand; if you don’t place the city name top and center, well, your team will never have pride.

Fucking losers.

Seemingly like the Butler Brahs, I don’t know much about Major League Soccer, but you don’t need to be Alexi Lalas to guess that these teams haven’t accomplished jack, and their cities hate them for it. No pride in these towns, but Austin is a different story because our logo commands such.

Oaks / Roots / Leaves

Whether its the trees, the roots, or the leaves, all of these attributes are universally applicable to any city that is loosely affiliated with a plant and has a new soccer franchise on the horizon.

“But Bro, doesn’t that mean that these traits are just describing any city and not our city?”

My dear and simple friend…that’s just good business. Why spend time and effort to create something unique to Austin when you can go down the safe and easy path? What if the Austin team fell through somehow? Crazier things have happened. It would be a good idea to have a set of backup teams in case your original customer can no longer take the goods. There are three other MLS expansion franchises that don’t have logos yet. I wonder if the B-Bros’s design would work in these towns?

Here are some N.S.F.W. photos that show you the marketing genius of the Butler Brothers and how they are the fast-food equivalent of the sports emblem design industry:

The Butler Brothers were thinking big-picture on this one. You and I are stuck on that micro-level thinking tip. This is what they refer to as “safe play” in the “biz.”

FC Tradition

Wow. The Bros even gave the Austin team its “Football Club” designation. This is a subtle and appropriate gesture. Very traditional move for a very traditional town. First, if nothing else, Austin is drenched in traditional English naming conventions. I don’t want to bore you with examples, because I’m sure you’re already aware of these (lol). Second, you know that I enjoy nothing more than continuing the tradition of designations like “Football Club” (“Real” is still my favorite) in one of the only professional leagues in the world that has “Soccer” in their name. Spot on boys.

I guess what I’m really trying to say here is that everything has aligned. The Austin F.C. logo is a true work of art that is as unique as the city it represents…

[Cough]

Let’s get real for a second. The Austin F.C. logo isn’t all that bad. Could it have been more representative of our town? Could it have been more thoughtful? Could it be cooler? Yes, yes, and yes. I’m sure we can learn to live with it. What is most annoying is how it is being sold to us like some thought-provoking piece of art. I think Austin’s collective of soccer fans are smart enough to realize that saying a color “reflects the vibrancy and creative energy of Austin” is nothing more than bullshit conjecture.

Bright verde?

Nah, it’s just fucking green.

:: FIN ::

P.S. Butler Brothers – the font you chose…the “N”…something wrong about it. Just sayin.

4 thoughts on “Bright Verde? Nah. It’s Just Fucking Green

  1. Do you need a hug, bro? It’s okay to just enjoy things sometimes.

    Also the Kader FC badge came out a year after the Austin FC badge was released.

    Like

    1. In all seriousness, you are a good writer, and you’re funny, but I don’t know who you are writing this for. It’s at a level of detail about the team that only well informed fans will even understand and know what the hell you’re talking about, while also doing your best to insult those same people.

      If it’s for yourself, by all means, continue, but if you’re hoping to attract a readership, you should probably not just shit on the thing they like.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s